Worthiness Wednesday #43 (re)connect to your deepest wisdom

My daughter spent the day at her Nonna's (i.e at my mother-in-law's house) yesterday. We set off at 10am to avoid the worst of the peak hour traffic and my husband was set to pick her up when he finished work at 4pm.

Naturally, I was pretty excited about having almost a whole day to myself to potter about in the study/studio. But on the drive home, after dropping my little 'un off, something interesting started to happen.

"You can't spend the entire time, cutting and pasting stuff at your desk!"


"There's a filthy house and at least three loads of washing and the question of what's for dinner that require your attention!"


"The stuff you are working on is so silly and it will never amount to anything, it's a pathetic waste of time."

I could feel my heart beat faster and my body temperature rise, and my irritability factor was going through the roof (never a good idea when you're driving down Punt Road in Melbourne!).

By the time I got home, it was midday and the temperature outside had already hit 34 degrees Celcius.

I sat on my chair in the study/studio and sighed.

Then I noticed, my hands were itching for that glue. Before my even critic could even think of a reason not to, my hands were reaching for the paper, the scissors, the cardstock, the gel medium: getting ready so I could start my days' work.

But even though my body knew what I needed, my heart's true desire, I hesitated. My head still wasn't convinced.

Then I remembered.

I had the tools to deal with this. I got out my journal and I wrote the three accusations above, among others.

The answers came immediately, loud and clear:

"This is your time. You have earned it. You have permission to enjoy it."


"Your house is no more filthy than it was yesterday. You will get the housework done. You'll think of something for dinner. Everything is fine."


"NO. Doing something that makes you feel restless and unfulfilled: that's a waste of time. Your art is not yours to judge. It makes your heart sing and that's all you need to know."

And with that, I shut my journal, put down my pen and got on with it. I spent the day hibernating away from the heat, pottering away on various creative projects, whilst listening to an audio recording of Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estes' The Creative Fire.

When my little 'un arrived home with my husband, I was happy to see them both. I shoved a load of washing in the machine and defrosted some bolognese sauce to have with spaghetti for dinner. My daughter had had a fun day with her Nonna, my mother-in-law was rapt to have had time with her gorgeous granddaughter in her own home, and for my husband it was a day as usual.

A bit like the Fiona Robyn quote I posted a few days ago: this is not new territory for me. I feel like I am writing about this sort of dialogue with my inner critic over and over again.

But this time, I noticed it was that tiny bit easier to push through. I located the tool I needed in my toolbox, and I was able to put it to good use. I certainly didn't invent this one, the dialogue with one's deepest wisdom. In Soul Restoration, they talk about connecting with your Truth Teller. There's a wonderful section in Keri Smith's Living Out Loud that talks of "confronting the inner critic with gusto". Much of SARK's work is based on learning to work productively with our inner demons.

This week, if you find yourself in a situation where you are questioning your intuition, I invite you to make a little space where you can give your fears a hearing. Whip out a pen and a piece of paper and write down all the reasons why you can't or shouldn't do what it is that your heart is leading you to.

Then, next to these accusations/fears/catastrophes, write -- without thinking -- what you know the truth to be.

Allow yourself to be surprised. Allow yourself to be relieved. Allow yourself to be grateful. Allow yourself to believe what it is that you already know to be the truth.

Allow yourself to thank your inner critic for trying to protect you, then let whatever he/she has to say go.

Because you deserve to do the things that make your heart sing. And your inner critic really can be tamed (and even entertained with audio recordings) while you get on with the business of doing what you love.

It might not be clear where your creative journey is heading, but this I know for sure: it is worthy of fighting for.